She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
