tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
