he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
