Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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