you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
