so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
