so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
