I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
