just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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