Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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