remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
