Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
