Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
