my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
