I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
