Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
