Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
