Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
