how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
