I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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