but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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