he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
