STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
