I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
