You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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