Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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