I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
