Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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