OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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