you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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