She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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