I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
