I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
