i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
