i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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