While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
