I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
