she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize