Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
