If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
