I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
