Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
