i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
