The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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