I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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