cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's official drugs can't kill me
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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