just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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