It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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