Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
