Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
