im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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