I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
