I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
