How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Randomize
