In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
